Chocolate chips are demonstrably, objectively superior to raisins as cookie ingredients. Anyone with functioning taste buds knows that. But how does one go about substituting the former for the latter, especially when the cookies are already prepared? A YouTuber called The Food Surgeon, self-defined as “a culinary practitioner not qualified to perform surgery of any kind,” provides the answer to that with an eerie, wordless tutorial video called “Cookie Reassignment Surgery.” If that unfriendly title sounds overly clinical, it should. The video treats the transformation of an oatmeal raisin cookie into an oatmeal chocolate chip cookie with a degree of seriousness usually reserved for complicated surgeries.

The Food Surgeon, unseen apart from forearms and rubber-gloved hands, begins with a bag of Pepperidge Farm Santa Cruz soft baked oatmeal raisin cookies. A single cookie is carefully extracted from the bag, and then the culinary doctor performs what can only be called a raisin-ectomy with a scalpel and tweezers. This results in a porous, hole-filled oatmeal cookie. Enter the Nestle Toll House semi-sweet morsels. A few are shaken out onto a tray and inserted, again via tweezers, into the waiting oatmeal cookie. A cauterizer finishes the job by warming the chips enough so that they integrate into their new host body. The duly reassigned treat is then consumed in appreciative silence. In all, there is a striking modernity and emotional detachment to this video quite out of keeping with Pepperidge Farm’s folksy, old-fashioned image. The techniques prescribed in the tutorial, however, look to be effective.

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[via Laughing Squid]