Do you have low self-esteem? Are you a lazy asshole? It's because you've been listening to too damn much indie rock, ya pansy! Perhaps some opera or "chart pop" is the cure, as prescribed by an asinine study conducted by some guy who probably spends his free time calling people on Internet message boards "hipster douchebags." Actually, he's Professor Adrian North of Heriot-Watt University in Edinburgh, Scotland, and he's concluded that musical tastes and personality type are closely related based on his study of 36,000 people–or approximately .00047 percent of the world's population–resulting in hilarious observations such as: "The general public has held a stereotype of heavy metal fans being suicidally depressed and of being a danger to themselves and society in general. But they are quite delicate things." Other highlights: Reggae fans are not hardworking–and what other variable could possibly affect that causal relationship?–and those who gravitate toward dance music are "not gentle."

Here's a quick summary of the music types surveyed and their respective personality types. Get pigeonholing!

Blues: High self-esteem, creative, outgoing, gentle and at ease
Jazz: High self-esteem, creative, outgoing and at ease
Classical music: High self-esteem, creative, introvert and at ease
Rap: High self-esteem, outgoing
Opera: High self-esteem, creative, gentle
Country and Western: Hardworking, outgoing
Reggae: High self-esteem, creative, not hardworking, outgoing, gentle and at ease
Dance: Creative, outgoing, not gentle
Indie: Low self-esteem, creative, not hard working, not gentle
Bollywood: Creative, outgoing
Rock/Heavy Metal: Low self-esteem, creative, not hard-working, not outgoing, gentle, at ease
Chart Pop: High self-esteem, not creative, hardworking, outgoing, gentle, not at ease
Soul: High self-esteem, creative, outgoing, gentle, at ease