Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.

You oughta know that Dave Coulier will appear on Fuller House

Dave Coulier, telling everyone in England to fuck off on Full House

Netflix wants you to know, that’s it’s happy for you

It wishes nothing but for Fuller House for you all

An older version of Coulier

But still perverted, they say

He’ll still let you go down on him in a theater

Hopefully he’ll speak eloquently

And not need cue cards like a baby

Even though Netflix’d make an excellent mother

‘Cause the show that they’re making, he’ll be back, no mistaking

For at least one episode he’ll be there open wide, you know

And every line he speaks, don’t blame

He knows that you said you love Uncle Joey until you die,

’Til you die


So Netflix is here, to remind you

Of the mess it’s made by rebooting this series

So it’s not fair, to deny it

The chance to allow Uncle Joey back for a reunion episode—

You/You/You oughta know!

You seem very well, things look peaceful

Netflix isn’t quite as well, it thought you should know

It didn’t forget about DJ

Or her new child and teenager

(It hates to bug you in the middle of dinner)

They’ll be named Max and JD

They’ll be aged 7 and 13

Are you thinking they’d be joined by Kimmy’s daughter?

‘Cause they will, she’ll be 12, and it seems, she’s not so chill

but “bi-racial, passionate, and sharp-tongued,” you know

And every time you speak her name

She’ll know that she’s a bid for diversity

On a show so white, show so white


And Netflix is here, to remind you

Of the mess that this show will be anyway

But it’s not fair, to deny them

The chance to make Fuller House with Dave Coulier


Oughta know.


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