Gender reveals are one of the stupidest inventions of the modern world. Before a kid is even born, parents decide to announce their sex by creating elaborate ways to have pink or blue stuff fly out of things so it can be shared on social media. Retrograde and annoying as the whole phenomenon is, there is a silver lining that appears when, as seems to happen more and more often these days, it all goes horribly wrong and is captured on video for the world to see.
Case in point: Here’s a video of some dipshit in Australia setting off a huge car fire while squealing around in a blue smoke-emitting car.
The man driving the car—a 30-year-old from Queensland—follows in the smoldering footsteps of past gender reveal hall-of-famers, like the Border Patrol agent who burned down about 47,000 acres of Arizona grasslands after igniting an explosive box. This proud father, doing burnouts on a public road so blue clouds rip up from his custom tires, failed to destroy a similar amount of the natural world, but did get charged with “dangerous operation of a motor vehicle,” was issued a $1,000 fine, and has had his driver’s license revoked for six months. In a report from Nine News Gold Coast, we see a photo of the man in question proudly holding an oversized bottle of vodka, which is at least something he can enjoy while slowly walking to pediatric appointments to come.
Twitter, being Twitter, has weighed in on the various omens signaled by the flaming car, trying to decode the signs hinted at by the disastrous reveal party.
Even though it may appear ominous for a baby’s birth to be announced with an inferno of roaring flames and billowing black smoke, we’re just happy to know that this child, gender aside, will one day be a teenager whose parents can never mount a single defensible argument about whether or not they should be allowed to borrow the family car.
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