Confirming earlier rumors and bizarre fever dreams, Tom Hardy has been officially set to play Elton John in Rocketman, the upcoming “musical spectacle” that will attempt to find something flashy and over-the-top about the life of Elton John. In a statement, Peter Schlessel of Focus Features, the film’s U.S. distributor, said, “We are confident that Tom will embody the physicality and spirit of Sir Elton”—acknowledging that, while Elton John will re-record his songs for Hardy to lip synch, presumably, Hardy nevertheless accurately captures the physique of the musician who’s spent nearly 50 years playing a piano balanced atop his massive thigh muscles. And of course, Hardy is also perfect for the inevitable scene set to “Don’t Go Breaking My Heart,” in which Elton John playfully plunges his fist into his lover’s chest cavity.
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