Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.
Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.

Yep, bull’s-eye, that’s exactly what pandemic life would be like in Stars Hollow

Illustration for article titled Yep, bull’s-eye, that’s exactly what pandemic life would be like in Stars Hollow
Photo: Netflix

A round of applause for this fine fellow! In the grand (since March) tradition of imagining how characters from the world’s television shows would react to the bewildering, frustrating, depressing, infuriating, and darkly funny year that is 2020, may we present you with what may be the most accurate of them all: coronavirus, Gilmore Girls-style, courtesy of comedy writer Mike DiCenzo.

[Full disclosure: DiCenzo has written for our sister site, The Onion.]

DiCenzo is far from the first writer/TV nerd to attempt this feat. But it’s just... it’s just really good, y’all. Here’s how you can tell: Just picture Emily trying to set up iPads at the big long table in the Gilmore mansion where Rory and Lorelai would probably sit. Lorelai would keep changing her background to images from Cop Rock and Emily would be furious and would demand she remove it, and then Lorelai would and Emily would notice there’s no fridge in her kitchen because the fridge is being replaced and Emily would say something really snide about Luke installing it and Luke would say “Hi Emily, I’m here too” from off camera.

Advertisement

But they’re all that good. This one, in particular, is extremely true:

This is normally the part when we’d embed all the rest of the great, great tweets in this great, great thread, but it’s really long. So some highlights follow, but first: Another way you can tell this is good is that it inspired someone else to share, and that is also good.

Advertisement

“I saw Carrie Coon screaming over the table where she left her three missing masks” is so perfect that we had to check and make sure Mr. Kirkland isn’t secretly a Palladino. (As far as we can tell, he is not.) But back to the original thread! How’s Kirk faring, we wonder?

Advertisement

We think he’d be selling really elaborate masks and/or a hand sanitizer dispenser that allows you to spray someone else’s hands from six feet away, but to each their own. What about some of the other residents who aren’t Gilmores?

Advertisement

That’s just perfect. Babette?

Advertisement

Can’t you just hear Sally Struthers saying “Like on THE TITANIC!” and then she does a little elbow jab? And what about Taylor, assuming he eventually sold Lorelai a mask?

Advertisement

Perhaps the most accurate thing about this thread is that even in an imagined Gilmore Girls world, Christopher’s still a bad penny.

Advertisement

But it’s not all bad news. Lane’s gonna trade up:

Advertisement

And like the best episodes of Gilmore Girls, it’s even got a little pathos for you, as a treat.

Advertisement

One last note: DiCenzo’s thread clearly exists outside of the continuity of Gilmore Girls: A Year In The Life. So... even better.

Send Great Job, Internet tips to gji@theonion.com

Advertisement

Contributor, The A.V. Club and The Takeout. Allison loves TV, bourbon, and overanalyzing social interactions. Please buy her book, How TV Can Make You Smarter (Chronicle, 2020). It’s short!

Share This Story

Get our newsletter