The Expendables 2

It’s a tragic story that’s been repeated over and over again throughout history: A young movie studio hooks up with a sleazy older guy, and the next thing you know someone’s been kidnapped and it’s time for a roaring rampage of revenge and dead European criminals. Hot on the heels of its new horror movie partnership with KISS frontman Gene Simmons, WWE Studios has announced that it’s tag-teaming up with British movie studio Richwater Films for a film that’s being described as “a Taken riff.”

Said riffage will arrive in the form of Eliminators, the tale of a former federal agent who must employ a, shall we say, “itemized list of talents” (promo-taping, grapples, smelling what The Rock is cooking) to protect his daughter from a group of assassins who can presumably only be defeated via suplex or figure-four leglock. The film will star The Expendables 2’s Scott Adkins and British wrestler and WWE Intercontinental Champion Bad News Barrett, who probably took his name from The Bad News Bears, because that is also a movie.

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WWE and Richwater will also be partnering for a second film, this time about an American counterterrorist who teams up with an MI5 agent to counter some terror. Said film will be titled Rampage (not to be confused with Rampage (1963), Rampage (1987), or Rampage (2009)), presumably because Terms Of Enrampagement was already taken.