Photo: Getty / Pool

The myth of Ivanka Trump as some sort of moderating influence on her father existed long before he assumed the presidency and ushered in a horrifying era of instability and incompetent authoritarianism. Even at the Republican National Convention, she was hailed as a composed, intelligent counterpoint to the harrowing vision of “American carnage” displayed elsewhere. That convention helped launch a presidency defined by whiplash shifts in policy and messaging—obviously the result of an enfeebled, meatloaf-fed racist better suited to honking a big truck’s horn and shouting catch phrases on television than actually doing anything resembling work—as well as apocalyptic policymaking—like the Muslim ban, the country’s withdrawal from the Paris climate accord, and pretty much every military action we’ve taken. Throughout, Ivanka and her husband Jared Kushner have been touted as the voice of reason—the well-heeled and high-heeled moderates in the room who will save us all.

In point of fact, they are both just tall. They are also cowards. A sensible moderating influence on the president would’ve locked him in a vault with a shiny object he could fuck before he even became president. A sensible moderating influence would slip narcotics in his drink to render him bedridden and then digitally animate a cartoon duck to give his speeches instead. A sensible moderating influence would disavow themselves of him completely, rupturing the all-important family brand, rather than sit by while he continues his swift destruction of the American economy, foreign policy, and international reputation.

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Ivanka doesn’t do any of that. She does, as a much-ridiculed new cover story in Us Weekly claims, “disagree with” her dad.

That is fucking bravery! The article—which doesn’t even have a byline, credited instead to the magazine’s entire staff, each and every one of whom must surely be proud of this one—traffics in such tepid personal-brand damage-control as this:

“Sometimes she and Jared are a big influence on Donald and sometimes he takes other opinions into account and does something they disagree with,” another Ivanka insider says in the new issue of Us Weekly. “They win some and they lose some.”

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Truly, the American ideal of an even playing field and a compassionate embrace of the world’s dispossessed is safe with her around. There is a lot of fun to be had with the image, “fun” being the ongoing word we use to describe screaming into our computer screens and amusing ourselves so as to stave off the desire to self-immolate:

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Why i disagree with my dad pic.twitter.com/NSc7yYipss

— Matthew A. Cherry (@MatthewACherry) June 7, 2017

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And, you know, so on. Us Weekly, it should be noted, was purchased in March by the pro-Trump National Enquirer group, so get used to this sort of shit. Support for impeaching Trump is now higher than his approval rating, with much of it centering around Jared Kushner’s misdealings with Russian ambassadors last year. Hopefully the whole fucking thing goes down in flames soon, during which Us Weekly can publish a puff piece about how Ivanka politely disagrees with the very fire eating her alive, because no one dares speak ill directly to daddy’s flesh-melting fire.