Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.
Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.

Woman terrifies Nextdoor by asking about the "man with no head"

Illustration for article titled Woman terrifies Nextdoor by asking about the man with no head
Photo: mikkelwilliam (Getty Images)

Nextdoor, for those not familiar, is like a hyper-local Facebook—with all the attendant horrors you might expect that to entail. For the most part, this comes in the form of neighbors incoherently yelling at each other about recycling and coyotes and dildos. Occasionally, however, the service provides some more literal horrors, such as this post wondering if anyone else has noticed a headless man carrying an umbrella, strolling around the neighborhood in the middle of the night.

“Has anybody seen a man with no head walking around the neighborhood?” reads the post shared by writer Ivy Noelle Weir. “He wears a long black coat and carries an open umbrella and only goes for a walk on Wednesdays at 2-3 in the morning. I yelled, ‘Hello!’ to him once, but he didn’t respond.”


The first thought one might have is that Ivy Noelle’s mother’s neighborhood has a Sleepy Hollow-type of situation going on. However, given the late night hours, plus the use of an umbrella when the man is already wearing a long coat and doesn’t have a head, it is possible what we’ve got here is more likely an invisible man with some extreme sun sensitivity. Of course, this theory still leaves some questions unanswered, such as why does the headless man only go out on Wednesdays, and also, more pressingly, why did you think it was a good idea to say hello to the headless man at 3 a.m.?

One Twitter user was helpful enough to reply with an illustration of the headless man in question, in case anyone needs help identifying him.

Have you seen the man with no head who carries an umbrella?

Send Great Job, Internet tips to gji@theonion.com


Contributor, The A.V. Club.

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