There are many candidates for the worst movie ever, but we just discovered a new one. Never On Tuesday was the 1989 debut of future Detroit Rock City director Adam Rifkin, who apparently had a lot of famous friends in 1980s Hollywood, including star Peter Berg, who would go on to create the Friday Night Lights TV series. The “plot” of the neon-logo’d, synth-themed “movie” involves Eddie and Matt, two midwestern teen boys heading to California to meet bikini-clad girls on the beach. But on the way they manage to crash into a car in the desert driven by a beautiful blonde. Unfortunately for the smitten Eddie and Matt, she’s gay. Her name is Tuesday, turning the bad title into downright painful. Oof.

Perhaps realizing that watching a movie of three kids stuck on the side of the road is only mildly more enjoyable that being stuck on the side of the road yourself, Rifkin then adds a number of horrible cameos of people who stop by the stranded cars. Except that all of the people who stop are weirdos who fail to rescue the trio. Like, say, Gilbert Gottfried as a salesman, Judd Nelson as a motorcycle cop, and Charlie Sheen as a knife-wielding maniac. Worst of all is Nicolas Cage, who is billed only as “Man In Red Sports Car.”

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Twitter user @alex_navarro posted the below clip, the totality of Cage’s role in the movie.

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What’s with the fake nose? The squeaky voice? The laugh? Did Cage just decide that if he impersonated Crispin Glover in this cameo, maybe no one would recognize him? And plotwise, why don’t they ask the the guy to send for help? What is the point of this movie?

We find a possible clue in the listing of four zombies in the cast list on IMDB. We can only hope that Never On Tuesday ends with everyone involved getting eaten, but we’re sure not about to watch it to find out.

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