Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.

Since the Oscars began, Casey Affleck has been sitting there suffering in mute silence, beginning with his being forced to endure the cruel japes of Jimmy Kimmel as he reminded Affleck he was only allowed to star in Manchester By The Sea because Matt Damon let him. As if that weren’t humiliating enough, when Kimmel cracked on Damon’s “Chinese ponytail” movie, Damon reached up and yanked on Affleck’s little man bun for the cameras. Then, as Kimmel did his big stunt of bringing a bunch of surprised tourists through the Dolby Theatre, he made a point of acknowledging that they probably wouldn’t even know who Affleck is. During his “Mean Tweets” segment, Affleck had to read somebody saying that he’s “the real-life version of Billy Bob Thornton’s character in Sling Blade.”

Look, things haven’t been easy for Casey Affleck the last couple of weeks: The sexual harassment claims against him have garnered some protests over his nomination. When he does win and tries to use his acceptance speech to get political, like all the best celebrities are doing this season, fucking Buzzfeed has to turn around and point out that his own company backed Trump.


And now he’s sitting there at the Dolby, watching as the wind cruelly blows any chance at his getting some candy away, again and again. Damon is probably back there crushing his second box of Junior Mints and Casey Affleck has NOTHING.

Stay tuned to see if Casey Affleck finally gets some candy and/or an Oscar.

UPDATE: Casey Affleck won one Oscar. He received no candy.


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