Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.

Who needs a host when the Oscars can open with Amy Poehler, Tina Fey, Maya Rudolph, and Queen?

In the lead-up to this year’s Oscars, the only story bigger than who might win the awards was the mountain of drama surrounding the Academy’s difficulty finding a host. Kevin Hart was happy to take the job when nobody else wanted it, but it turned out that he wanted to hold on to some old homophobic tweets more than he wanted to hold on to the hosting gig, so the Academy eventually decided to just give up and do the show without a host. The one and only other time that happened was an unmitigated disaster, so there was a lot for this year’s Oscars to live up to.

There was no Rob Lowe/Snow White musical number, unfortunately, but there was a musical number—and one that we’ve all known was going to happen for a while. In a fairly obvious move that the celebrities in attendance seemed to love in a weird way, Adam Lambert and Queen took the stage to play “We Will Rock You” and “We Are The Champions” because, you know, Bohemian Rhapsody was a big deal and Brian May needs to keep that hair looking big and beautiful.


Then there was the usual reel of popular, successful movies that weren’t necessarily award-worthy, cut to some dramatic quotes. It, like “We Are The Champions,” was pretty much exactly what you would’ve expected from this year’s Oscars. After that, though, Amy Poehler, Tina Fey, and Maya Rudolph took the stage to rattle off a handful of monologue jokes they would’ve made if they were the secret hosts of this year’s ceremony. They weren’t secret hosts, even though they definitely should’ve been, but they did have a handful of solid zingers. Can we get more of Maya Rudolph’s Sam Elliot impression, please?

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