The friends and family that Whitney Houston left behind have already blazed right through the five stages of grief in record time, moving on to the sixth, far more modern stage that Elisabeth Kübler-Ross forgot to add because she was dowdy and poor. Today Lifetime announced that the clan is readying itself for The Houston Family Chronicles, a new reality show revolving around the late singer's family and friends that will find them learning to pick up the pieces and soldier on alone as the children of our future, showing the world all the beauty that they possess inside that might be worth selling to advertisers. This intimate process of healing will, as a total bonus, also make for a fine platform to nurture daughter Bobbi Kristina's own entertainment career, in much the same way that Being Bobby Brown did for her mother.

According to the official press release, Chronicles will mostly center on Houston's brother and sister-in-law Gary and Pat and their attempts to help "guide" Bobbi Kristina in this crucial period of fostering self-reliance and cashing in on opportunities the very second they present themselves, no matter how ghoulish they may seem—or, as the network avows, "With the certainty of a microscopic lens focused on this young woman and her every move, Pat, Gary and their tight-knit group of family and friends are committed to seeing that Bobbi Kristina can grow and experience life unscathed." And what better way to ensure that she is allowed to mature naturally and "experience life unscathed" away from that prying "microscopic lens" than to swaddle her in the protection of the much larger lenses of the reality TV camera crew following her at all times? The press release also refers to Bobbi Kristina as Whitney's "most prized possession," which barely even merits mentioning because everything else about this project is already so cold and inhuman. Anyway, that whole outpouring of sincere emotion for Whitney Houston and her family had a good three-month run, we guess.