Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.
Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.

When the guy who got his dick cyberlocked in a chastity cage speaks, we listen

Illustration for article titled When the guy who got his dick cyberlocked in a chastity cage speaks, we listen
Photo: Pict Rider (Getty Images)

On the one hand, Sam Summers, a poor bastard who got his dick stuck in an internet-enabled chastity cage because of hackers, suffered through what sounds like a really miserable experience. On the other, Sam Summers, a poor bastard who got his dick stuck in an internet-enabled chastity cage because of hackers, now possesses an incredible true story that he can dine out on for the rest of his life.

Vice spoke to Summers about what it’s like to find yourself the victim of a cyberattack where what’s being ransomed is your ability not to have a cage stuck around your wiener. He remembers receiving a message from the cage’s connected app stating that he needed to send $1,000 in Bitcoin to get his dick back, thinking at first that it was his partner, then having to come to terms with the fact that, as the article puts it, “his penis was locked in the cage, and he had no way out.”

Summers says he “started looking at [the cage,]” and finding that it had “no manual override at all.” Realizing he was well and truly stuck, he “started freaking out a bit,” which seems like an understatement. He gave in to the hackers demands, but that didn’t help. They wanted more money, making him feel “fucking stupid and angry.” Eventually, through a collaborative process with his partner that involved having to buy bolt cutters and then use those bolt cutters right next to his dick, Summers broke free.

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The whole terrifying ordeal didn’t leave “a scar or anything, but I was bleeding and it fucking hurt,” Summers says. He also couldn’t have sex “for over a month” and, as is completely, 100% understandable, has “[reconsidered] using internet-connected devices, especially those that go around his most private parts.” In order to save others from going through what he did, Summers recommends using a traditional chastity cage—one that has a “physical lock” and, presumably, a key held by someone other than an anonymous asshole who could be anywhere in the world.

For more on Summers’ terrible experience, read the entire Vice article.

Send Great Job, Internet tips to gji@theonion.com

Contributor, The A.V. Club. Reid's a writer and editor who has appeared at GQ, Playboy, and Paste. He also co-created and writes for videogame sites Bullet Points Monthly and Digital Love Child.

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