Entertainment Weekly reports that Lionsgate will make a film adaptation of perennial bestseller What To Expect When You’re Expecting, often referred to as “the bible of American pregnancy” to the constant chagrin of Jenny McCarthy’s Belly Laughs. And what manner of narrative spermatozoa will fertilize this non-fiction egg so that filmic life may be born? No word on that yet, but EW reports that Lionsgate plans to “give it the Love Actually and Valentine’s Day treatment,” with various interlocking “vignettes” that do for motherhood what those films did for romance—namely, reduce it to various sitcom contrivances elevated by the sheer presence of movie stars cashing an easy paycheck. Sarah Jessica Parker is already being considered to play a fallopian tube.