Hey look, it’s the new poster for the upcoming third season of True Blood! What clues can we divine from it as to what’s in store for everyone’s favorite non-Whedon, non-Mormon vampire franchise?

- It still has vampires.

- These vampires still like to get it on, based on the ravaged, post-coital glow of Anna Paquin’s Sookie and Deborah Ann Woll’s Jessica.

- Speaking of which, Jessica is apparently a total brazen hussy now. Proper ladies do not sit that way.

- Unlike some earlier teaser posters, it has Stephen Moyer’s Bill, suggesting that his kidnapping at the end of last season is short-lived, and soon enough he’ll be back to lounge around Bon Temps in his never-ending supply of impeccably tailored military shirts.

- It also has a werewolf—which everyone already knows about by now—and that werewolf appears to be checking Anna Paquin out. Ergo, at least 50 percent of write-ups about the show this year will contain the phrase, “Things are getting hairy,” possibly in conjunction with the phrase “mooning over.”


- Snakes are still substitutes for penises in posters like these, we’re pretty sure. Also something about temptation, but mostly penises. So look out for a lot more penises this year, as well as temptations involving penises.

- Your wife will once again spend the next three months talking about Alexander Skarsgard. Here he is, all standing there like, “Maybe if you stopped reading blogs and worked out a little more, you too could be a brooding Nordic ice god worthy of a black tank top.” But you won’t be. That fucker.

- Tara and Sam are sort of facing each other, but also sort of looking away at something together. Does this mean their relationship is back on? Will something happen to disrupt it, possibly something just slightly out of frame that necessitates regarding it warily?


- Jason is looking at Lafayette expectantly, as if to say, “You’re going to go back to being the sassy black friend this season, right? Having you cry and freak out for most of last season got a little old.” And Lafayette is all, “Mm-mm, don’t be telling me what I can and can’t do with my post-traumatic stress.”

- Of course, he’s also probably a little on edge looking at Pam over there on the far left, Eric’s assistant and Fangtasia owner who forced Lafayette to start selling vampire blood again last season. Her appearance on this poster suggests she’ll have a new, more pronounced role in things, which is good, because if there’s one thing this show could use more of, it’s sexy vampires.

The new season starts June 13.