Ben Affleck's Batman, shining light on the evil that men and the impatient Internet do.

On Wednesday, director Zack Snyder teased what he referred to as a Batman V. Superman teaser screening event, set to take place next Monday at select IMAX theaters, with “limited space” necessitating an RSVP. It was a typically modern showman’s move, meant to create a sense of anticipation for the anticipation surrounding a movie, and an aura of exclusivity about what is, after all, a commercial. Naturally, the teaser immediately leaked online. Oh well.

The version that made its way to YouTube yesterday is murky, shot on a mobile device and featuring Portugese subtitles. But even amid the dank, the overwhelming sense of despair is unmistakably a DC Comics film. Here’s a mirrored version that will likely get yanked as well, before Warner Bros. finally gives up and releases an official version of the thing everyone’s already seen and discussed anyway.

Possibly owing to his smashing up a big chunk of it in Man Of Steel, the world kind of hates Superman right now. We know this because various characters are engaged in philosophical debate over his nature—always the most fun part of a comic-book movie. A statue honoring Superman, which someone obviously put up a little prematurely, has been defaced with the words “FALSE GOD.” Meanwhile, a voiceover from Jesse Eisenberg’s Lex Luthor reminds everyone that devils come not from beneath us, but “from the sky” (which is true in a Milton sense, I guess?). And Holly Hunter cribs from Jurassic Park, noting that everyone was so concerned with what Superman can do, they didn’t stop to ask themselves what he should do. Ah, now eventually you do plan to have superheroes on your superhero tour, right?

Indeed. Enter Ben Affleck, glowering at his Batman costume like it just insulted the Red Sox. “That’s how it starts—the fever, the rage, the feeling of powerlessness that turns good men… cruel,” Jeremy Irons intones from off screen as Alfred, the Werner Herzog of butlers. And then it’s time for the Dark Knight to treat that fever, taking to the streets and the skyscrapers to do some exploding and ruminating, before donning a suit of armor with glowing eyes for that much-promised “V.” of Batman V. Superman. In addition to the headlights, the suit also apparently features a modulator that renders Affleck’s voice so guttural, it makes Christian Bale’s Batman sound like Wayne Newton.

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“Tell me. Do you bleed?” Batman asks Superman. “You will.” (Batman is a superhero, by the way.)

Anyway, the Batman V. Superman IMAX Trailer Event Spectacular is still scheduled for Monday, April 20, promising 15 full minutes of this kind of fun, besides the two you’ve already had here.