Mario, god help us all, has become something of a sex symbol over the years. Despite the fact that he’s a digital creation that looks like a cartoon baby with a mustache—something that, in a just society would disqualify him from being lusted over—real human beings (and white supremacists) are still wild about his hairless body and the secrets hidden just beneath those fetching overalls.
Still, despite knowing that there are a whole lot of people out there who really want to fuck Mario, we’re still slightly taken aback by an (official!) advertisement for the Nintendo 3DS where Kim Cattrall details her psychosexual fixation on the tiny CG plumber.
The ad surfaced thanks to a tweet from Marc Snetiker, who captioned it, appropriately, with a sentence that ends with a whole lot of exclamation and question marks. The clip sees Cattrall playing a riff on her Sex And The City character Samantha Jones, lounging around her home playing 3DS and talking about how she’s found “a new way of enjoying [her] spare time,” by going “on magical adventures with a certain Mario.” There’s a sexual undertone present here already, but it gets a bit more direct when Cattrall says: “He’s totally into dressing up. That tanooki suit is my particular favorite.”
As if the image of Cattrall being enthralled by a little man in raccoon pajamas, capable of speaking only a handful of simple phrases, wasn’t enough already, she ends the ad by promising that, though “there are many men in my life ... for a few minutes or a few hours, I’ll always find time for Mario.”
Some may assume that Cattrall would be embarrassed that the internet has resurfaced the ad, but it doesn’t seem that way. The actor retweeted the video in order to state once more that, rather than hide her infatuation with a video game mascot, she will “always find time for Mario.” Surely, Mario is happy to hear this, wherever he is.
Knowing that theirs is a relationship that can stand the test of time, there doesn’t seem to be anything left to say other than: Good for you, you crazy kids! We wish you the best of luck in overcoming whatever challenges you will inevitably face in trying to bridge the digital and real worlds.
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