Photo: Bettmann (Getty Images)

In 2016, we reported that an Australian billionaire named Clive Palmer had announced a plan to build a replica of the Titanic—with some modern concessions toward “safety” and “not sinking”—that he would then send on a recreation of the same voyage that the original Titanic was supposed to take before it, you know, sank. That trip was supposed to happen in 2018, but since we haven’t seen The New York Times run a recreation of its own with another 22-word headline about how many people “probably” died and who “maybe” survived, it’s clear that the planned/doomed journey still hasn’t happened.

According to MSN, Palmer and the other people behind Blue Star Line have announced that the terrible, fate-tempting voyage has been delayed to 2022, following a less fate-temping trip from Dubai to England. When the classic Titanic journey from England to New York is completed, Titanic II will then travel around the world for the remainder of the year. Oh sorry, did we say “when” the journey is completed? We mean “if,” because god damn, why would anyone think this is a good idea?

Advertisement

Even if everything works out perfectly, how do they know that Titanic II won’t be haunted by the ghost of the guy Victor Garber played in the James Cameron movie? Passengers will be woken up late night by the sorrowful wailing of Thomas Andrews telling them how much the ship sucks and how they’re fools for trusting his worthless designs a second time. Also, if the ship is a perfect replica, will there still be shitty lower-class quarters in the bottom? Why would anyone voluntarily stay there, knowing that Billy Zane will do whatever he can to screw them out of getting onto a life boat?

Anyway, get ready for Titanic II to briefly set sail in a few years.