Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.
Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.

"We may as well give Pete Rose a reality show," television sighs

Illustration for article titled We may as well give Pete Rose a reality show, television sighs

Numb and indifferent after years of turning the cameras on professional wrestlers, socialites who starred in sex tapes, drunk awful people, and the wives of criminals, rock stars, actors, basketball players, and random rich guys, then watching with no small amount of incredulity as they became successful television shows all, producers have dispiritedly announced that they are now developing a TLC reality show about former baseball star Pete Rose, because whatever. "This series will chronicle the very unusual home life of the 71-year-old Rose and his 31-year-old soon-to-be-wife, Playboy model Kiana Kim, as they attempt to navigate the complexities of blending their respective families, while we watch them do mundane shit and viewers gawk at their huge age difference and how gross and gold-digging it all is, then think about that time he got banned from baseball for gambling, I guess. I don't even know anymore," a TLC executive dictated to his assistant before staring off into space, as though searching for an answer without even really knowing the question.


"It's not going to be classless… Our reality show is going to be funny, entertaining, and real," Rose argued to someone, though we're not sure who, noting that his show would feature situations such as the family visiting the Baseball Hall of Fame that Rose is not allowed to be a part of and Kim getting a breast reduction, which are things that are both classy and real. "We're not a traditional family," Kim began to add, before her words blurred together into a buzzing, indecipherable drone resembling a hive of wasps.

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