Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.
Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.

We could watch this groundhog devour a guy's garden all day

Illustration for article titled We could watch this groundhog devour a guys garden all day
Photo: Arterra (Getty Images)

A while back, a man named Jeff set out to find the mysterious creature intent on destroying his garden. “Everything I planted was getting eaten to shreds,” he says in a video about his curse. Determined to solve his problem, Jeff installed a motion detector camera and identified the source of his trouble: A groundhog with an insatiable appetite for destroying gardens.

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The Dodo’s original video of Jeff’s groundhog-ruined garden was shared around by @valhallabckgirl who called it “one of the fucking funniest things I have ever watched.” This is not overblown praise. The footage of the groundhog, which mostly involves the furry rodent staring directly into the camera as it demolishes apples, tomatoes, and carrots, clearly demonstrates how good animals are at deadpan physical comedy.

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“He looked straight into the camera like he was saying, ‘Yeah, I’m here. I’m eating your garden. What are you gonna do about it?,’” Jeff recalls.

After a few attempts to defy the groundhog with improved fences, Jeff noticed that it was starting to bring another furry, blank-eyed buddy along with it. The groundhogs had defeated him. His yard was now their turf and he understood that the only way to enjoy peaceful relations with the invaders was to create a special miniature garden for them as tribute. He built it over the winter and the groundhogs returned from hibernation, now with babies in tow. The upshot is that Jeff was now able to capture even more footage of groundhogs, big and small, holding fruit and vegetables in their weird little hands as they gnash their food into pulp and look into his cameras.

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We should also inform you that the groundhogs are on social media now. The first one’s name is Chunk The Groundhog and Chunk’s lady-friend is named Nibbles. Their children are named Chip, Chibbles, and Nugget. They do dances on YouTube. The babies eat at miniature picnic tables. Do with that information what you will.

Send Great Job, Internet tips to gji@theonion.com

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Contributor, The A.V. Club. Reid's a writer and editor who has appeared at GQ, Playboy, and Paste. He also co-created and writes for videogame sites Bullet Points Monthly and Digital Love Child.

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