Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.
Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.
Illustration for article titled Watch Lance Bass, Susan Boyle, and The Village People degrade themselves for faux-mayonnaise

A bunch of D-list celebrities shilling for faux-mayonnaise could never really seem like a good idea, but in the case of the new Miracle Whip commercial, the actual outcome is even worse than could ever have been expected. In the new faux-“We Are The World” commercial, “celebrities” like Susan Boyle, Lance Bass, Wynonna Judd, Don Dokken, and the Village People (in costume and everything, because, ugh) belt out the “Open Mouth Anthem.”


The song—which, yeah, could also be about other things someone would open their mouth for—includes lines like “If it’s tangy, creamy, different, chances are it won’t get spread,” and “Open your mind, open your mouth.” While the whole thing’s clearly a little tongue in Miracle Whip-containing-cheek (not even Lance Bass could be that much of a ham in real life), it just feels sad and icky, like a glob of old Miracle Whip left out on the sidewalk.

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