Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.

Watch Kevin Sorbo fight Antifa in this batshit trailer

Screenshot: YouTube

Kevin Sorbo’s career has become a series of escalating, faith-based dares—each more ridiculous than the last. His latest cinematic subversion (if we’re being kind) is The Reliant, which is, according to Google, based on a 2017 novel by Patrick Johnston—who just so happens to be the screenwriter of this here motion picture. (The same one that was giving an AR-15 away to one lucky fan back in 2017.) As far as anyone can tell, The Reliant is about: A. Kevin Sorbo fighting socialists on motorcycles. B. A world in which liberals want to take guns away from God-fearing conservatives... so they can use them to wipe out said God-fearing conservatives. C. It’s your average Young Adult dystopian story, but with second amendment politics. D. All of the above and then some? You figure it out:

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Oh, and gird your white guy blinking GIFs because this work of gritty cinematic realism also stars Eric Roberts—the only actor more thirsty for a quick paycheck than Nicolas Cage. Should you need further information, a little research (I just went to YouTube) yields a second, more fantastic trailer that incorporates some highly persuasive pull-quotes:

The quotes come from such illustrious cinematic authorities as the Benham brothers (yes, both Brian and Jason), Charity J., D. Self, and various other people who are completely real and not at all made up by the people who posted this trailer. “The Reliant is an honest, God-honoring, action-packed story that does not shy away from the hard questions about God,” says David Benham. Several quotes appear to have come from “people” who only read the script or novel, like D. Self, who says, “I had to keep turning the page to see what happened”—fuck, this book just straight-up taught someone how to read. A professional actor named Bryan Friday, who coincidentally performed stunts for The Reliant, calls the film “Extremely unique!” and doesn’t “believe anything like it has been done before.” As of press time it is unclear if Mr. Friday, a man who is clearly unfamiliar with the folk performance art of Alex Jones, has actually seen The Reliant—a movie that includes a scene in which a young man, enraged with a god that may or may have forsaken him, points his assault rifle in the air and shoots it repeatedly into the sky, like Keanu Reeves in Point Break.

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