Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.
Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.

Watch a Tom Cruise doll risk its little doll-life doing stop-motion Mission: Impossible stunts

Illustration for article titled Watch a Tom Cruise doll risk its little doll-life doing stop-motion iMission: Impossible/i stunts
Screenshot: Angelika Julia

Tom Cruise, despite all attempts to make us believe otherwise, is comprised of flesh and blood like everyone else. At 58 years old, the guy still manages to run, jump, and climb way-too-high for the sake of action movies like the Mission: Impossible series. But, even though he pulses with Hubbard-power, the strength of his limbs and the clarity of his mind rejuvenated constantly with the inner power of a high level Operating Thetan, Cruise will eventually have to stop doing these kind of stunts at some point in the future.

Luckily, even when this sad day comes, we will always have the Cruise doll, ever ready to perform death-defying scenes for our viewing pleasure.

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In a stop-motion video created by Coralli Grieu, Victor Haegelin, and Martin Flechtner, the Cruise doll is shown recreating a bunch of Mission: Impossible’s most memorable stunts. A rigid smile on its face, the maniacal little puppet races a motorcycle, sprints across the top of a train, runs across the side of a building, hangs from a plane, and lowers itself on a harness above a laser grid. At one point, it takes a break to jump on Oprah’s couch for a while, silently celebrating the joy of its rich life before getting back to work.

As great as the Cruise doll is, we still need to see if it can handle other Cruise-related duties—like handing out Scientology books to co-stars and making short films about how fun it is to see Tenet in theaters during a pandemic—before it’s ready to be embraced as a full-on replacement. For now, we will content ourselves knowing that it’s at least capable of flinging itself around on camera for our amusement.

Send Great Job, Internet tips to gji@theonion.com

Contributor, The A.V. Club. Reid's a writer and editor who has appeared at GQ, Playboy, and Paste. He also co-created and writes for videogame sites Bullet Points Monthly and Digital Love Child.

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