We must all remain vigilant when it comes to the influence of The Dark Lord, Satan. This is why we have preachers—spiritual guides who see what we cannot, pointing out the evil that infiltrates our popular culture through, uh, heavy metal album covers, the Harry Potter books, and Wonder Showzen, a TV show definitely meant for children.
A video of one such warrior of the soul from a few years back has resurfaced recently. In it, a preacher who’s absolutely apoplectic about Wonder Showzen (“What’s this? This is daytime shows for children!”) runs an episode of the comedy series that’s known for kids asking Wall Street workers who they’ve “exploited today,” celebrating the work of slaves, and exploring the wide, wonderful world of grown-up jobs.
“Listen as they make fun of farmers,” he says. “You’re gonna see something here tonight that, when I saw it, my stomach turned. Have we got this bad off?”
Preparing his flock for what they’re about to watch, he explains that, while he “won’t take time to show you the whole cartoon,” the clip “winds up with god committing suicide.”
As promised, we enjoy an “educational guide” to America’s farm that spirals into absurdity. The preacher is beside himself as the Wonder Showzen kids narrate themselves sacrificing their parents to dark forces (“Watch it and weep, child of god”) and end up playing rock, paper, scissors with the actual lord, who’s called a loser and kills himself.
“We! Are! Not! Gonna get by with this kinda stuff,” the preacher screams. “You’re in the last days!”
Unfortunately, we can’t see the man’s face as the clip ends with God shooting himself and subsequently being eaten by the kids and their puppet friends. He seems to fall into complete despair here, rewinding the video and yelling “What is god sauce?” at a fake barbecue sauce advertisement. It ends here, leaving us to imagine how things continued, the preacher perhaps rending his clothes and tearing his hair out, pacing the halls of his church in utter horror until, days later, someone presents him with yet another affront to America’s Christian children that must be reckoned with: Crank Yankers.
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