America: She’s a land of opportunity, where one day you can be dry-humping some reflected glory all over a fame-horny bar skank, and the next you’re ringing the opening bell at the New York Stock Exchange. It’s also a land where—since it all comes down to name recognition anyway—being widely reviled is quantitatively the same as being universally beloved, basically. Hence, YouTube “sensation” Fred has his very own feature-length film, helpfully named Fred: The Movie so you can be certain not to stumble into it unwittingly.

Ominously tagged as Fred’s “first movie,” the direct-to-DVD feature finds Fred (a.k.a. Lucas Cruikshank) in a bid to attract the girl next door (played by British pop star Pixie Lott), only to find his efforts thwarted by “his nemesis neighbor.” When said girl moves away, Fred embarks on “an epic journey full of gut-busting fun to find her,” spurred on by the sage advice of his father, played by wrestler John Cena. How did this not make the theaters again? Perhaps that will be answered in the accompanying “From Web-Cam To Leading Man” documentary, which corners both Fred and “the executives who gave him his first movie deal” and forces them to consider what they’ve done. But of course, they won’t. That’s America. [Via ONTD]