Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.
Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.
Illustration for article titled Warm weather has arrived, and with it, the first sightings of Andy Dicks penis

Andy Dick’s penis has emerged from its long winter’s slumber, wearing on its smiling face a promise of spring and the chance to once more pee all over everything. That hibernation certainly seems to have left Dick feeling refreshed and invigorated, as he’s made two splashy (sometimes literally) appearances in the last couple weeks, the first being a cameo at the Newport Beach Film Festival, where charges are currently being prepped against Dick for public exposure and urinating on private property. It's as reassuring as the scent of honeysuckle on the breeze.

According to the report, Dick crashed an April 29 festival party, showing up “beyond drunk” and zeroing in on some display booths where he allegedly “unzipped his pants, took out his private parts, and then started rubbing himself against one of the tables” in some sort of bizarre frottage ritual. He then finished by stepping into the booth, urinating all over the inside, then tearing it down, then heading off to chew off some rubber plants “like they were real food,” in the words of one witness. A few days later, Dick showed up in the police reports again in Temecula, California, where he became possibly the first person in history to be charged with drunk and disorderly conduct inside a Marie Callender’s. With an early bloom like this, who knows what the summer months will bring?


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