Working at Walmart is terrible as it is, but when the only means of telling time inside the fluorescent-lit, windowless tomb of bargains where you barely make a living is that “My Heart Will Go On” plays every day at exactly 2:15 p.m., the chilly embrace of death could start to look pretty appealing. And that hurts productivity, so Walmart is introducing a number of new morale-boosting efforts that will include cutting back on the number of Celine Dion songs on the PA.
This will be accomplished by means of an official Walmart DJ (Suggested name: DJ WalBanger), who will be tasked with creating playlists that don’t make workers daydream of bludgeoning Justin Bieber to death with a pricing gun. Previously, corporate policy was apparently to play the same CD, which contains songs by both Dion and Bieber, on an endless loop in stores. This mysterious CD was referenced multiple times in the company’s annual shareholders meeting, where a puppet named Willie joked about associates getting tics from hearing Celine Dion’s greatest hits over and over in front of thousands of people who couldn’t afford to see a neurologist who could address said condition.
Other changes designed to make workers hate their jobs just a little bit less are an adjustment of the temperature in stores—which are controlled remotely from corporate headquarters by a centralized system—and a relaxing of the dress code to allow workers to wear denim in addition to khaki pants. They’ll still have to buy their own uniforms, though.
[via E! News]