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Walker, Texas Ranger now actual Texas Ranger

As part of a recent nationwide push to ensure all state law enforcement contains at least one former action star, actor and living meme Chuck Norris has been named an honorary Texas Ranger for his years of service as the star of Walker, Texas Ranger. “People may whisper about his super powers, but the greatest power of Chuck Norris is his integrity,” said Texas Governor Rick Perry, whose own measure of integrity includes backing redistricting plans created by recently convicted congressman Tom DeLay, accepting over $1 million in private donations from businesses which he then aided with executive decisions, and vetoing a ban on executions for the mentally retarded. Unlike recent stars-turned-lawmen like Steven Seagal and Lou Ferrigno, the 70-year-old Norris won’t have any actual duties, save for traveling around the state telling small children that they have AIDS.

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