Without a doubt, presidential elections are the worst part of a democracy. Oh, sure, having to put up with an election is probably better than dealing with a leader who gets to be in charge simply because of who his dad is—something that almost never happens in America—but all of those debates, campaigns, and attack ads? They’re terrible.
Thankfully, there’s always a few candidates every election season who are clearly there as some sort of joke. They might have an actual cogent point to make, but they have no intention of really winning the election. They just want to get some signs made with their name on it, maybe kiss a few babies, and force people to pay attention to them. In 2012, Roseanne Barr was one such candidate, and her campaign—built on an “outlaw bullshit” platform—even spawned a documentary.
But all of that is irrelevant, because Rolling Stone has announced the candidacy of someone who is making a serious run for the White House in 2016: rapper Waka Flocka Flame. See, his platform isn’t based on one silly issue, it’s based on a bunch of silly issues. That makes him just as viable as any of the “real” candidates, and maybe even a little more viable than some of the stupider “real” candidates. So what is Mr. Flocka Flame’s platform? For starters, he’s going to legalize marijuana, because that’s what every joke candidate says they’re going to do. Second, he’s going to ban all dogs from restaurants and stop people with big feet from being on the sidewalk. After that, he’ll force kids in school to learn the lyrics to his songs, and then he’ll raise the minimum wage “since In-N-Out Burger is doing it.”
Waka Flocka Flame might seem like a longshot candidate, but even he acknowledges that his only real competition is Hillary Clinton. Plus, he’s a job creator. Voters love that. Here’s a video of Waka’s announcement, which also showcases just how serious he is about legalizing marijuana: