Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.
Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.

Virginia Supreme Court forced to listen to reality TV star's story about the guy from Journey screwing his wife

Illustration for article titled Virginia Supreme Court forced to listen to reality TV stars story about the guy from Journey screwing his wife

Having previously attained tabloid notoriety and reality TV stardom by crashing the White HouseReal Housewives Of DC co-star and thoroughly 21st-century construct Tareq Salahi is once more drawing desperate attention to himself by deliberately wasting the time of another high seat of governmental power: the Virginia Supreme Court. That's where Salahi will force officials to listen to his latest round of complaints that Journey guitarist Neal Schon had sex with his wife, Michaele, late last year—an act of cuckolding that would provoke shame and angry demands for privacy from rational people, but which Salahi, as with everything else, views as another business opportunity.


Salahi first attempted to mine money and an extra iota of ill-gotten attention from his his wife fucking around on him by filing a $50 million lawsuit against her and the band earlier this year, claiming that the affair had ruined the couple's many outstanding, absolutely genuine offers to appear on multiple other reality shows and even participate in a big-screen adaptation of their life, all of which were really and definitely happening until Michaele ran off with Schon. Clearly already on a roll, Salahi further claimed that Schon had humiliated him specifically to increase ticket sales for an upcoming Journey tour, shamelessly preying on the public's salacious interest in attending nostalgic classic-rock shows where the guitarist allegedly slept with that one awful reality TV show star they’ve sort of heard of, and then using that knowledge to enjoy the songs in a new, winking context. ("Yeah, dude, they're playing 'Separate Ways'—which is what Real Housewives Of DC stars Tareq and Michaele Salahi have gone thanks to Neal!" all those Journey fans would shout, every high-five another metaphorical slap in Salahi's face.) Somehow, the case was dismissed.

Now it's the Virginia Supreme Court's turn to consider the "evidence" for approximately 30 seconds before also throwing the case out—evidence that, according to a press release from Salahi's attorney Chuck Roberts, will testify to Schon's many "outrageous and lewd acts." These include Schon allegedly calling Salahi to say, "I'm fucking your wife," then sending him a photo of his penis, thus driving up Journey ticket sales by at least 20 percent. Roberts says he is confident that the Supreme Court will make the final decision that a jury should also be forced to listen to all this, and "decide for themselves if this type of abhorrent behavior is within the generally accepted standards of decency and morality in our community"—a statement that is presumably referring to the dick pictures, not the pursuing of a Supreme Court case based on how dick pictures maybe screwed a guy out of getting on Dancing With The Stars. "When it comes to helping my client milk as much negative publicity as possible out of a thoroughly gross and reprehensible situation, our motto is 'Don't stop believin'," Roberts did not conclude, because he can't even get that right.

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