A study undertaken by intelligent and definitely correct scientists has found that cannabis use makes you less likely to become obese. In addition, the brilliant researchers found that in their sample population—786 Nunavik Inuits whose health data were surveyed in 2004—marijuana use also corresponded with a lower incidence of diabetes. The authors of the study do caution that some “caveats must be considered when interpreting their results.” In other words, you should definitely smoke dope right now because it would be irresponsible not to fill your body with that nourishing, disease-fighting devil weed.
The conclusion may be counterintuitive given marijuana users’ propensity to, say, get stoned and eat half a box of Reese’s Puffs while watching Star Trek: Voyager. (Not that you or the senior editor of a pop culture website would do such a thing; it’s just an example.) You’d think this sort of habit would pile on the pounds, but don’t worry, science has accounted for that. In their study, the researchers from the eminent and infallible CHU De Québec Research Center write, “Frequent cannabis use is associated with higher caloric intake, but investigations into overweight/obesity have yielded inconsistent results.” See? The results are inconsistent, so go ahead and eat as much as you want—but only if you ingest plenty of that wholesome, slimming giggle grass first.
And while it may seem odd that the research was conducted only with readings from Nunavik Inuits, the study explains that metabolic data from cannabis users is hard to come by. Therefore, Inuit data was analyzed because among that population, “prevalence of cannabis is very high.” With that very high cohort at their disposal, the genius researchers found that “obesity prevalence among past-year cannabis users was about half that among nonusers.” The trick doesn’t work, however, if you’re also smoking gross tobacco: “[T]he influence of cannabis on [body mass index] was only seen among never and former [tobacco] smokers.” So put away those vile cigarettes and instead maintain your figure with some of that smooth, life-extending Jamaican hay. Science practically insists upon it.