As revealed today on his Twitter, rock ‘n’ roll chameleon David Bowie has entered his “Thin White Duke At The Improv” phase, having “tried [his] hand at stand-up comedy” at a recent benefit—and here’s the audio evidence to prove it. Over the course of 20-plus minutes, Bowie breathlessly unfurls a routine about the awkward run-ins he’s had in his ridiculously expensive flat with an amateur musician neighbor who won’t stop playing “Rebel, Rebel,” which dovetails with stuff about the darn things that his kids say, and an endless bit about trying to make a pumpkin pie, even though he can’t cook anything besides toast and a hardboiled egg (actual joke), and despite having gold albums, starring in films, and boasting an honorary doctorate. Yes, every punchline seems to be “I am a rich rock star befuddled by ordinary life,” and yes, it’s a bit like listening to your dad doing his own awkward riff on Bill Cosby: Himself. Only your dad made fucking Ziggy Stardust, so as the audience does here, it would behoove you to laugh indulgently.

UPDATE: Oh, never mind. Like everything else on the Internet, this isn't real. It was all a joke perpetrated by comedian Ed Schrader. Blame Genevieve Koski for this one. By way of apology, she offers this video, which is sort of how we feel about it:

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