Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.
Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.

Universal pushes Fifty Shades Of Grey back, getting off on being withholding

Illustration for article titled Universal pushes emFifty Shades Of Grey/em back, getting off on being withholding

In what is proving to be a difficult day for movie fans who enjoy watching things get pounded, the news of Independence Day 2’s delay has been followed by the announcement that emotional-disaster film Fifty Shades Of Grey has also been pushed—pushed roughly and held down, with Universal denying it release in a way that only adds to the delicious anticipation of it all. You’d been thinking about Fifty Shades Of Grey and how it might ravage the hole in the August 2014 release schedule all day, your expectations only rising after Entertainment Weekly debuted the first cast photos of Dakota Johnson and Jamie Dornan sensuously biting their thumbs, as people who have sex do.


But then, just as you thought you were on the edge of climax of updates about this movie, Universal brusquely shoved Fifty Shades all the way to Valentine’s Day, 2015, handcuffing the film until it’s ready to let it go, on a holiday similarly devoted to romance as defined through relentless cliché and forced sex—knowing that, even though it may not be what the film wants, it is what it needs.

Still, as always, that hasn’t stopped the Fifty Shades fanbase from emitting its own cries of sexy torment that echo author E.L. James’ actual dialogue, with the film’s Facebook page currently writhing with fans screaming, “Aarghh was looking foward to 2014, now we have to wait longer,” and “What the heck??? Y y do we have to now wait 15 months??? Thats just stupid n yall gonna upset a lot of people” and the like. Still, no matter how much they protest, Universal refuses to give in to them—which only makes them love Universal even more. That is how love works.

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