Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.
Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.

Two Fifty Shades Of Grey sequels are already coming, so fast and hard

Illustration for article titled Two iFifty Shades Of Grey/i sequels are already coming, so fast and hard

His breathing is ragged, matching mine.

“When did you start your period, Anastasia?” he asks out of the blue, gazing down at me.

“Err, yesterday,” I mumble in my highly aroused state. “Why?”

“Good.” He releases me and turns me around. “Then it’ll be done before we start filming. They’re making Fifty Shades Darker and Fifty Shades Freed into movies as well. It was announced at a fan screening just this morning.”


“Oh jeez,” I say, not really sure why, other than it seems to be one of my typically insipid colloquialisms. “But Fifty Shades Of Grey, the first film in our trilogy of deeply erotic and not at all pedestrian BDSM antics, hasn’t even been released yet!”

“Oh, Anastasia, my little unimaginative representation of milquetoast, undercooked female characters,” he said, firmly spanking my rear with a ping pong paddle or something. “Haven’t you been following our advance tickets sales? We’re already Fandango’s fastest-selling R-rated movie ever.”

“Oh crap!” I exclaim—again, kind of my go-to move. I find that whether I’m being tied up, being violently made love to, or negotiating contracts in a state of ardor, it’s a pretty safe move. Which is good, because safe is definitely the key word for our upcoming movie adaptation. Hmmm, maybe “key” could, in turn, be our “safe” word. I’m creative like that.

“Were a lot of those tickets in the Midwest, too, Christian?” I’m trembling now. I seem to do that a lot, without much prompting.


“They certainly were,” he purrs. “Now come here. We still have another week to kill before Fifty Shades Of Grey opens February 13. That’s a lot of incredibly repetitious sex we could squeeze in. Or, you know, 16 percent of the time could be filled with that.”

He reaches between my legs. Sweet Mother of all… Jeez.


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