Bullseye

Once again proving that the culture wars are over and the rich people won, Fox has announced a new show where people try to win money by throwing themselves into targets. The series—dubbed Bullseye—will premiere on May 27, and Variety says it “will challenge four men and four women to test their bodies and brains in three ultimate challenges that ask nothing more than for them to hit the bullseye.” Presumably, they’ll do this while a crowd of anthropomorphic pigs wearing tuxedos and top hats cackles from the sidelines, stopping only to shovel mounds of dollar bills into their wretched, little mouths. “Yes, sacrifice your bodies! Maybe then you’ll make it to the middle class!” they’ll shout amidst roars of laughter as they wipe drool off their chins with American flags. The Twilight Saga’s Kellan Lutz will act as Bullseye’s host and champion of the one percent (probably because actually getting someone from The Hunger Games would’ve been too on-the-nose), with comedian Godfrey as his co-host.

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