Claiming the privilege granted by his presumed lineage—in which all actors of French descent take the reverse-Duchamp philosophy that anything can be a urinal, particularly when juxtaposed with aircraft—Twilight actor Bronson Pelletier was detained at LAX for peeing on the carpet near his gate, not long after being removed from his flight for being intoxicated. Like Twilight, it's a story dragged out over multiple parts, and embarrassing for all involved.

TMZ, naturally, broke the story of Pelletier's Dec. 17 arrest, in which Pelletier described an elaborate "set-up" involving "some guy," a shadowy "obsessed fan" who bought numerous drinks for the object of his obsession—who is, again, a minor supporting character in the Twilight Saga that "some guys"apparently love—then cruelly played out the dark side of that obsession by later getting Pelletier removed from the plane. In addition to blaming Some Guy, still at large, Pelletier also denied initial reports he'd been caught peeing: "No peeing … Peeing did not happen," Pelletier said, delivering the sort of impassioned, convincing line reading that had landed him a coveted role in the Twilight movies.

Unfortunately, as you can see from the (NSFW) leaked video of a videoed leak, peeing did happen. Copious peeing. Languorous peeing. Peeing in a manner reminiscent of Petellier's performance as a member of Twilight's "Wolf Pack" in the sense that he appears to be marking his territory, and reminiscent of Twilight itself as the whole thing just refuses to end, repulsing us even as we're somehow unable to look away. Watch as our culture's strange fascination with all things Twilight comes to a metaphoric (and literal) head.