Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.

Trump's big dumb Sharpie notes have now been turned into emo song lyrics and robot monologues

Photo: Mark Wilson (Getty Images)

Donald Trump, American president, is perhaps the worst public speaker of our time. Putting aside for a moment the malignant content of nearly every speech he delivers, the guy just plain blows at articulating even the most basic of ideas. That said, years into his time in office, we’ve all sort of had to get accustomed to the idea that the leader of the most powerful nation on Earth is a hateful old dipshit whose powerful words will continue to wriggle out in strange new forms from the rotted-out folds of a moldering old brain.

And yet, having thought we’d really acclimated to all of this by now, photos of the notes Trump used to address the nation during an event as grave as this week’s ongoing impeachment hearings still manage to provide a startling reminder of where things are at right now.


Put down in all-caps Sharpie, the notes look like a confused weekend to-do list crossed with an alien species’ list of demands after having just assumed control of the United States government. “I WANT NOTHING I WANT NOTHING I WANT NO QUID PRO QUO,” the lines scream. “TELL ZELLINSKY TO DO THE RIGHT THING THIS IS THE FINAL WORD FROM THE PRES. OF THE UNITED STATES.”

Inspired by the experimental poetry contained within, @victoryrhoad and Alex Kliment tweeted out musical performances, using the words as lyrics to new tracks from Morrisey and the Ramones.


Other, more free form takes on the notes have inspired original, heart-rending songs by Jonah Ray and Nick Lutsko.


Determined to expand upon the message contained within the notes, the internet has also pointed out the existence of a font meant to emulate the president’s handwriting, and, best of all, seen Emily Heller feed the original words into a free neural network that spun out appropriately deranged additions that include “I WANT AN EXTRA SEAT ON EVERY STORE CARS” and “I HAVE A BABY I HAVE A.” (For more of these, check out a few other cyborg Trump statements made by Boing Boing’s Thom Dunn.)


It’s a testament to human ingenuity that each and every one of these creations managed to take the big blocky words on Trump’s notepad and turn them into something much more entertaining than the speech of a man whose best defense against his accusers is to mug for the cameras and yell, “I want nothing!” a couple of times.


Send Great Job, Internet tips to gji@theonion.com

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About the author

Reid McCarter

Contributor, The A.V. Club. Reid's a writer and editor who has appeared at GQ, Playboy, and Paste. He also co-created and writes for videogame sites Bullet Points Monthly and Digital Love Child.