Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.
Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.

Trump is "feeling really good," as are the rest of these doomed fictional characters

Illustration for article titled Trump is feeling really good, as are the rest of these doomed fictional characters
Photo: Nicholas Kamm (Getty Images)

Donald Trump, President Of The United States, returned from the hospital last night eager to show once again just how great he’s feeling these days. Unlike the rest of the world, Trump apparently “[feels] better than I did 20 years ago!” while suffering the life-threatening effects of the coronavirus. He feels so good, in fact, that he also wanted to take the opportunity to let the public know not to let COVID-19 “dominate your life,” trusting instead in the considerable comfort that his administration, with its excellent track record so far, is ready to help with all sorts of “really great drugs & knowledge.”

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The very responsible advice not to worry about an ongoing pandemic hasn’t been received exactly as it was meant by everyone, though. For whatever reason, many people reacted to Trump’s message, and his return to the White House as a free-roaming sneeze-zombie, with a cynicism developed by years of life on this planet. In order to communicate what they thought of Trump’s claims about “feeling really good,” most turned to examples from movies.

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These characters, like the President, may have experienced a few setbacks, but emerged stronger and healthier from their experiences.

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Video games have great examples of this, too. Who can forget when Metal Gear Solid’s Liquid Snake, already riddled with bullets and battered to a pulp by his twin brother, emerged triumphant from the wreckage of a jeep to live a long, happy life completely unaffected by viruses?

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Other media does a great job of showing us just how great it feels to have COVID-19, showing that, contrary to popular belief, the damage done to a body’s organs by the virus is exhilarating—a real fountain of youth.

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Just take it from Trump! The pandemic is A-OK. Anyone who says otherwise—anyone who wants you to do boring shit like wear a mask or socially distance from others—is a fear-mongering jerk who just wants to stop you from living the few remaining weeks of your life to its fullest.

Send Great Job, Internet tips to gji@theonion.com

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Contributor, The A.V. Club. Reid's a writer and editor who has appeared at GQ, Playboy, and Paste. He also co-created and writes for videogame sites Bullet Points Monthly and Digital Love Child.

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