Diamond in court Feb. 19; Getty Images

It’s been the most hotly anticipated trial of the year, unless you count The Maze Runner: The Scorch Trials. Dustin Diamond, famed author of Behind The Bell, is embroiled in a courtroom drama that has captured the imagination of at least one person worldwide. According to The Chicago Tribune, today begins the trial in which The Artist Still Known As Screech faces a felony charge of second degree recklessly endangering safety. He also stands accused of two misdemeanors: disorderly conduct and carrying a concealed weapon.

As we reported late last year, Diamond was arrested in Ozaukee County, WI, over the holidays for his involvement in a bar fight in which he allegedly stabbed a guy—a guy who was himself allegedly grabbing Diamond’s fiancée. Of course, Diamond (who we’re going to go ahead and save time by referring to as “Screech” from here on out, since that’s also been Diamond’s strategy for stumbling through life) is relying on the bold defense of claiming he “accidentally stabbed“ the man. Not since the “girl named Bambi” situation has Screech been part of such an extensive he-said/he-said mess.


Screech’s defense attorney is claiming that despite a half-dozen people being interviewed by police at the bar after the incident, none of them actually saw his client act in such a manner. This is also the standard response given whenever anyone is asked about any of the actor’s performances outside of Saved By The Bell. Prosecutors claim that Screech escalated an argument at the Grand Avenue Saloon in Port Washington on Christmas Day by stabbing a fellow patron. Having previously visited the Grand Avenue Saloon, as it is but a stone’s throw from his parents’ residence, this A.V. Club reporter can confirm that the biggest mystery here is how so many years managed to elapse before this bar was the site of Screech stabbing someone.

As was previously noticed, it’s a little mysterious that Kevin The Robot has been silent throughout this national ordeal. Perhaps we won’t find out his take on these events until Screech tries to capitalize on his latest five minutes by publishing Behind The Brawl.