Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.

Tour the frontlines of the battle to determine which emoji is the least useful

Photo: VCG (Getty Images)

The modern world is full of important things to get upset about, not least of which is the future of global society’s only true lingua franca: the emoji. Testament to this is the ongoing war being raged over the fate of the little pictures deemed least important to our daily, smiley face-filled lives.

This information is gathered by a Twitter account called Least Used Emoji Bot, which tracks a database that analyzes emoji usage on Twitter so as to regularly update us all on which icon has been left out in the cold by our ever-shifting pictorial-linguistic habits.

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Back in July, an unexpected shot rang out, its effects rippling outward into the current conflict tearing the globe apart.

If you thought nobody could possibly be worried about our neglect of the “aerial tramway” or “input symbol for Latin capital letters” emojis, you thought wrong, pal. Since Least Used Emoji Bot first upended the quiet of our mid-summer mornings, forces have aligned with either the little tram or the little box o’ letters. They now work tirelessly to ensure their emoji of choice no longer has to bear the disgrace of being the least useful of all.

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As the letters and tramway swapped their dead last position throughout the last few months, Twitter responded with messages of support for their chosen side. The most vocal, it appears, are big fans of conveniently ascending hillsides and mountains.

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The peacekeepers among us have tried to end the fight, proposing first that some other poor bastard of an emoji take the place of the tram or letters.

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Perhaps understanding that this would only shift the war’s front rather than bring it to an end, a new, bolder plan was hatched. The emojis would be joined together in harmony.

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While Twitter seems, for now, to be celebrating a ceasefire, it’s important to note that any optimism seems unfounded.

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Since Tuesday, the letters have continued to settle into their last place position. While this may seem like a sad fate, it’s important to remember that this is a fate well deserved by the losing emoji because, in the end, who in god’s name is texting their buds a blue square with ABCD stacked in it?

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About the author

Reid McCarter

Contributor, The A.V. Club. Reid's a writer and editor who has appeared at GQ, Playboy, and Paste. He also co-created and writes for videogame sites Bullet Points Monthly and Digital Love Child.