Inspired, presumably, by the looming existence of Space Jam 2—or possibly just professional envy at the idea that Axl Rose got to rock out with Porky Pig—skating superstar/video game frontman Tony Hawk opened up today about a long-shelved project that would have seen him team up with the Looney Tunes for his own sports-themed cartoon action movie. Tentatively titled Skate Jam, the project was a hot-ticket item at Warner Bros. for a whole entire week back in 2003, before Brendan Fraser swooped in and ruined everything (yet again).
This isn’t actually the first time Hawk has talked about the long-dead Skate Jam project; he initially wrote about it back in 2010, in his memoir How Did I Get Here? The Ascent Of An Unlikely CEO. There, as now, he noted that everyone involved in the project was incredibly enthused about seeing Yosemite Sam pop a nollie—at least until Fraser, director Joe Dante, and Looney Tunes: Back In Action set off a ginormous, Acme-branded bomb at the box office in November 2003, single-filmedly demolishing chances for any future Tunes-branded film projects for a decade-plus to come.
Ah, but to imagine the world in which this movie actually happened! The kickflips Daffy Duck would have unleashed! The bizarre Bill Murray bit parts! The soaring theme song we’d all eventually have to quietly distance ourselves from, now that ever-more allegations about its author have come out! What a glorious world. Damn you, Fraser. Damn you, Jenna Elfman. Damn you, Looney Tunes: Back In Action, you Roger Rabbit wanna-be poisoned pill of a film. When will you stop taking away the things we would have begrudgingly convinced ourselves we loved?