Mötley Crüe drummer and occasionally nude PETA member Tommy Lee has issued a sternly worded letter to SeaWorld on behalf of infamous orca Tilikum (also known as the killer whale who’s been involved in the deaths of three people) arguing for Tilikum’s release into the wild. Lee’s chief complaint: that the park claims no human will have direct contact with Tilikum ever again, despite the fact that Lee just knows that the whale is SeaWorld’s “chief sperm bank,” with trainers keeping him in captivity so they can continue to extract future whales by “having someone get in the pool and masturbate him with a cow’s vagina filled with hot water," which sounds extraordinarily messy.

And lest you think Lee is hypocritically accusing SeaWorld of the sort of thing that might have been a common backstage occurrence during the Welcome To The Theatre Of Pain Tour, Lee counters, “Even in my wildest days with Mötley Crüe, I never could've imagined something so sick and twisted,” so there. Here’s the entire letter courtesy of TMZ, signed by Tommy Lee with a “Mötley Crüe” so you know it’s official.


SeaWorld has since responded, calling Lee’s allegations the result of PETA’s usual carelessness with the facts and deeming them “beyond ludicrous.” Uh, what’s so ludicrous about jacking off a whale with a water-filled cow vagina? [via Vulture]