As any good penis gardener will tell you, a fast and early sprouting for Andy Dick’s penis promises a strong and healthy showing for Andy Dick’s penis in the summer—and only a few weeks after it first poked its head out of the soil, already we’re seeing a flourishing of Andy Dick’s penis across the Newswire. Even more impressively, its latest flowering actually took root in winter, when Andy Dick’s penis was assumed to be hibernating, stemming from an incident where Dick exposed his penis to patrons of a Dallas nightclub. A man named Robert Tucker has now filed suit against both Dick and the talent agency who represents him, saying he suffered “emotional distress and defamation” as a result of Andy Dick pulling out his penis and walking through the audience during a performance he attended.
Of course, we’re not sure how Andy Dick’s penis can be guilty of defamation, unless Dick inscribed it with negative, slanderous comments about Tucker’s character, but that’s what he’s claiming. Perhaps some of the legal eagles among you can argue on that a bit. Also dubious: Tucker is suing the club itself for booking Andy Dick, arguing that it “should have known Dick's long history of assaulting patrons”—a long history that Tucker only became aware of after he bought tickets to an Andy Dick show, apparently. Anyway, it’s not even June yet, and already Andy Dick’s penis is in full bloom. It might just take the Cup this year.
UPDATE: The New York Daily News has more details that shed some light on Tucker's claims, specifically that Dick "forced his genitals against the left side of his face," and that since then he's suffered defamation in his workplace—so that explains that, anyway. RadarOnline adds that the whole thing started because Tucker asked Andy Dick for an autograph. (Isn't that what he got?)