This weekend, as you stroll through your restive constitutionals, perhaps combing through the commercial brush of American consumerism, please remember to leave only footprints and take only photographs—unless those photographs are of Zac Efron next to some dildos. It’s a lesson we can all learn from a paparazzo who recently encountered the actor in the wild, spying Efron in New York’s Fantasy World sex shop amid a dense thicket of dildos.
No doubt it seemed Efron’s luminescence stood out against the “array of glowing dildos” behind him in a way not seen since High School Musical. No doubt his breath caught in his throat as the photographer paused, snapped, and immortalized “Efron And Dildoscape,” the composing of the inevitable gallery card in his head quickly interrupted by the sight of Efron charging his way.
According to the New York Post, Efron began pleading with the photographer to delete the photos, saying that “he has so many young fans and he didn’t want them to see it.” Or, at least, not in this context, seeing as Efron’s walk among the dildos was all being filmed for an upcoming movie titled, Are We Officially Dating? (The answer to which is, apparently, “Well, Did We Buy Dildos Yet?”)
But of course, context matters: As the Post points out, Efron has been photographed in this setting before, having previously been spied shopping for “a blow-up sheep sex doll” with Vanessa Hudgens, presumably in the vicinity of dildos. But those were different times, and different dildos. These are today’s Zac Efrons. These are today’s dildos.
So please, whatever you do this weekend, don’t take a picture of Zac Efron next to any dildos. When you see Zac Efron standing next to some dildos, why not just try to enjoy it? What is this strange, modern impulse we have to document life's every single moment and Zac Efron-dildo encounter anyway? This weekend, let's try to live in the now. Have a good one. ("One" not meaning "photograph of Zac Efron with a dildo.")