Sebastian Gorka, brow furrowed as he monitors world news for any further threats to Western culture on par with two cartoon animal men tying the knot, has identified a worrying blip on the horizon. The former Trump administration member and Fox News contributor—an unfortunate guy who just can’t help himself from getting unfairly associated with neo-Nazis over and over again—must have felt a twinge of electricity in the air when he rushed to his phone, found a drawing of Mario and Luigi kissing, and, hapless rube that he is, accused video game publisher Nintendo of “promoting incest.”
The mad, instinctual rush to address this supposed evil seems like the only way to explain why Gorka missed that he was calling out a Nintendo parody account making a dumb joke. Only his desire to censure the unchecked decadence of liberal values could provide rationale for why he, a trusted voice of the right wing, could take seriously an accompanying caption that reads “Happy #PrideMonth! Our staff is filled with people of all sexualities so we love supporting that.”
Gorka seems also to have missed the account’s pinned tweet, which further clarifies that it’s “a parody account made entirely for fun” and that people should “Please take nothing said on this account serious.”
Regardless, we’re glad that Gorka stands vigilant, ready always to sound the alarm whenever proper conservative values are called into question by some cartoon characters smooching each other. It’s because he’s so watchful that we can sleep comfortably at night, minds at ease with the knowledge that he’s trawling the depths of the internet, selflessly documenting whenever drawings begin turning children into Trotskyites through socially inclusive Arthur episodes or fake corporate accounts approve of incest by tweeting out video game brothers kissing.
We can only imagine what will happen to the poor guy when he discovers the world of Sonic The Hedgehog fan art.
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