Photo: Chris Walter (Getty Images)

Few rockers ever embodied the wonderfully, gleefully stupid side of heavy metal better than Ronnie James Dio, a guy who never met a giant animatronic dragon or shiny new sword he wouldn’t greet with an enthusiastic throwing up of the horns. Now, you too can indulge in the tastes of a 60-year-old man who frequently said, “Fuck yes, a giant metal spider,” with hundreds of items from Dio’s estate about to go up on the auction block.

If nothing else, this might be the premiere 2018 location for the bulk medieval weaponry purchaser looking to pick up hardware on the cheap; the auction’s catalog is full of swords, crossbows, axes, and Thor-ass hammers (the latter of which were presented to Dio as part of his regular recognition by the annual Hard & Heavy Poll). There are also enough tunics, leather pants, and festively decorated boots to keep Dio fans LARP-ing comfortably from here until the apocalypse finally comes.

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Meanwhile, the auction—organized by Julien’s Auctions in New York—also features all of the expected album art, guitars, touring equipment, and all the other detritus that builds up as part of a life spent touring on the road. But also: a set of animatronic sphinxes, a massive robotic spider from Dio’s Dream Evil Tour, a framed bat skeleton, a set of custom-made Freddy Kreuger gloves, a VHS box set of the Back To The Future films—signed by Michael J. Fox—a fairly ludicrous amount of costume jewelry, and, in what might be our favorite item in the entire collection, the chance to own Ronnie James Dio’s expired Blue Cross insurance card. Just imagine all the conversations you could have with people down at the dog park with that little treasure, at increasingly high volumes as they first back away, and then outright flee:

“You see this? It’s Ronnie James Dio’s old Blue Cross card.”

“I bought it! On purpose!”

“I SPENT A LOT OF MONEY ON THIS!”

“NICE COOOOOOORGIIIIIIIIIII!”

Fucking metal, friend.

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