Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.
Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.

This robot is coming for our pumpkin-carving jobs

Not David S. Pumpkins. He is no robot.
Not David S. Pumpkins. He is no robot.
Screenshot: NBCUniversal

One of the greatest challenges facing modern labor markets is workplace irrelevancy due to rapid technological acceleration and innovation. One day you’re a key component in your office or factory, the next you find yourself replaced by an algorithm that can do your job faster. It’s a constant struggle, and, by the looks of things, it doesn’t seem like it’s going to get any easier. At least we still can have quality holiday time with our families—no robot is gonna take that away from us, right?

Ah, hell. Now how will we impress our ungrateful spawn?

As demonstrated by Shane Wighton in an episode of his Stuff Made Here series, the jack-o’-lantern drillbot carves intricate designs into pumpkins all on its own, thus dealing a major blow to the “Family Craft Time” industry. They’re not all winners, thank goodness, so there’s still time to impress your friends and family by carving Ben Affleck’s penis into a pumpkin. In time, though, all pumpkins will be carved by algorithm, porches everywhere glowing with artful portraits of Jeff Bezos’ face.

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Andrew Paul is a contributing writer with work recently featured by NBC Think, GQ, Slate, Rolling Stone, and McSweeney's Internet Tendency. He writes the newsletter, (((Echo Chamber))).

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