Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.
Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.

This Omaha penthouse is perfect for anyone who dreams of living inside a Hard Rock Café

Picture this, but 3,193 square feet of it—indoors and on sale for $1.5 million
Picture this, but 3,193 square feet of it—indoors and on sale for $1.5 million
Photo: Mario Tama (Getty Images)

The past year’s worth of cabin fever has been a goldmine for online realty window shopping. Previously reserved primarily for actual prospective homeowners, websites like Zillow have become a staple of our morning internet roundups, providing never-ending fantasy abodes and getaways… but also, holy hell are there some bonkers houses out there. Like, you don’t even know the half of it.

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Today’s addition to the Surreal Zillow Hall of Fame comes courtesy of an on-the-market penthouse in Omaha, Nebraska, which appears to have been decorated by a team of Hard Rock Café consultants, 11-year-olds rocking their first Squier Strat Starter Kit, and/or every dad who has ever uttered the phrase, “Rock ’n’ roll just ain’t what it used to be, man!” while sipping a Michelob Ultra.

First brought to our attention by the Twitter account, @TheBestofZillow, this 4 bed/5 bath/3,193 square foot gem overlooking the Omaha skyline can be yours for the exorbitant (albeit unsurprising) tune of $1.5 million. Like the incredible Haus of Pesci, we’re unfortunately led to conclude that interior decorations like classic car-shaped couch, guitar case dining room table, framed stock images of famous rockers, and custom Beatles marquee aren’t included in the sale, but the listing does boast that the penthouse’s “Fender-inspired bar” is part of the deal. We have to imagine the sink shaped like a martini class and the beer taps (with microphone handles) embedded in a Marshall amp aren’t going anywhere anytime soon, either.

It’s enough to make one pause to consider putting in a bid, until you realize the neighbors probably won’t take kindly to you blasting “Highway To Hell” at 2 a.m.

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Andrew Paul is a contributing writer with work recently featured by NBC Think, GQ, Slate, Rolling Stone, and McSweeney's Internet Tendency. He writes the newsletter, (((Echo Chamber))).