Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.
Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.

This is, no hyperbole, the best Trump impression ever (wait come back)

Illustration for article titled This is, no hyperbole, the best Trump impression ever (wait come back)
Photo: Stefan Cristian Cioata (Getty Images)

Oh, thank the lord, you’re here. You made it. You voluntarily clicked on this story that involves a Donald Trump impression. We know that was a high bar to clear. Yet you took a chance on us. You bet on us, and you know what? You bet on yourself, too. We will not let you down.

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(Was it the photo of the puppy that did it? It was, wasn’t it? There are no puppies in this story but we’ll add some more at the bottom of the page, just as a thank you and/or apology if you’re really only in it for the puppy photo.)

So, like you, we cannot wait until we never have to see Alec Baldwin anyone play Donald Trump in a sketch ever again. That day is coming, and, one hopes, soon. But for now, since we’re still being forced to live in this timeline, let’s at least show ourselves some love and stop accepting shitty Donald Trump impressions in our lives. If we cannot escape him, please let his impersonators be funny and accurate, all at once. Today, we draw a line in the sand. From now on, all Donald Trump impressions must meet at least two of the following three criteria:

  1. You must be actually funny
  2. You must be unsettlingly accurate
  3. You must be someone who would infuriate Donald Trump

The first is Sarah Cooper. Her bona fides are clearly established and we need not list them here. She’s at a solid 2.5, and we’re only docking half a point because she’s lip-syncing and thus relies on his audio for part of her accuracy score.

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Here’s the second: Meet James Austin Johnson.

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Now, we don’t know that Mr. Johnson actually meets that third criterion. First, he’s a white dude. So. But secondly, his impression is so accurate, so totally uncanny in terms of both sound and linguistics, that there’s a pretty decent chance that you could play this audio for Trump and he’d say, “Yeah, well, Weird Al, he’s a real talent, I said it then and I’ll say it now, quite a guy, he, quite a talented guy, wow, I was talking to some people some very fine people about that guy and they all agree, he’s a talent.” (He’s not smart, that Donald Trump. Please vote for Joe Biden.)

The above video isn’t Johnson’s only at-bat.

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“I think Anne Frank probably, was she sick? What did she die of? We’re gonna be checking on that, I’ve got Jared checking on it.”

On Scooby-Doo:

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There are many more. (He also does Bob Dylan.)

So Sarah Cooper is one. James Austin Johnson is two. Three?

British drag queen The Vivienne, naturally.

So, Mr. Baldwin, please consider this a formal cease and desist. Your impression must become either a) funny, or b) unsettlingly accurate before you’re permitted to continue using your Donald Trump impression. You’re all set on that third criterion, though.

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And as promised, puppies:

Send Great Job, Internet tips to gji@theonion.com

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Contributor, The A.V. Club and The Takeout. Allison loves TV, bourbon, and overanalyzing social interactions. Please buy her book, How TV Can Make You Smarter (Chronicle, 2020). It’s short!

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